I want to talk about enduring the affliction that comes from other people. How do you stop it? Can you stop it? Will the effects of the other person's choice to bring pain into your life remain? What kinds of decisions should you make or not make while enduring pain from someone else?
Fear comes with insecurity, criticism and false judgments. Fear brings depression, loneliness and isolation. Self-doubt or doubt of various kinds. Worry. Guilt. Shame. Anger. And more. I see Fear as needing a heavy CAUTION sign and WARNING label.
Allowing yourself to not stop at seeing the devastation will keep you from just surviving. Rebuilding, restoring, and planting new are vital! You will LIVE when restored, and You will THRIVE when rebuilt! Yes it's work to rebuild. Yes it's work to plant new things, but remember you are worth it!
Wait a minute?! What are you saying? How is this true? Don't you know I've been burned by "love", I have a whole story to prove it! Don't you know the people I trusted and allowed to love me also pained me? Betrayed me? Cut me so deep...
Have you found yourself in a place of working on every inch of your life, it seems? Wondering when will I get to the top? When will I be healed? When will life smooth out? When will it not feel like two steps forward one step back?
Julie [Owens] began to hear stories about other clergy neglecting victims’ pleas for help. These church leaders blamed the women for the abuse, ostracized them, and told them to “pray, stay, obey,”…
You probably are familiar with all the arguments for wifely submission. But did you know that the Bible offers at least 6 times a wife should NOT submit to her husband?
Nothing prepared me to realize that ‘fear’ would come at the hands of a person of trust, let alone a pastor like my husband.
When I left my husband, I felt like a chipped and broken cup. Before I married, my cup was whole, pretty, and of value. Carelessness and abuse chipped it over time, eventually breaking it beyond repair.
God will give you creative ideas and wise answers when you need them and help you prepare for the unknown future. Thankfully nothing will surprise Him about your journey ahead.
This one issue is the reason why many of you have never allowed yourself to get to know God in the first place, or have turned away from Him. More than likely, at some point in your life, you have been wounded by a pastor.
Like many who were raised in Christian homes, I inadvertently developed some significant misunderstandings of what the Bible actually teaches about proper roles of authority, submission within marriage, and the local church.
Have you ever had a gut feeling something wasn’t right with someone? Maybe you couldn’t articulate it, but you just knew something was off? Three powerful ways a simple inquiry may affect a victim of abuse.
People often say that God commands us to love unconditionally. The inference is that a spouse has to accept mistreatment no matter the cost to him/her – the whole agape love thing. God doesn’t even do that.
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of preparing financially as much as possible. Even if you choose not to leave, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
One of the red flags I failed to recognize early on in my relationship with Brian was his admitted cruelty to animals as a child and adolescent. He didn’t see it as cruelty though.
As I was informed soon after the wedding: “You’re my wife and the Bible says you can’t withhold yourself from me. I expect you to be available when I want it.”
While I’m asleep I think I am alive and have it all together. It’s only after I wake up that I realize I was actually stuck. In a coffin.
We should expect abusers to seek the position of pastor. Why? Well, what better venue for doing the things he loves the most: being the center of attention, controlling others...
In his growing confidence that I would not go anywhere and would tolerate anything, Brian eventually started upping the abuse dramatically.
I was listening to a friend talk about how she used to believe God was nothing more than a cosmic cop. A divine policeman up in the sky watching and waiting for her to screw up so He could write her a ticket.
One good thing about Brian was he was generous to those in need. Probably a by-product of a previous life of homelessness himself. He pulled out his wallet and gave almost the last of our money to the beggar boy...
My thoughts went back to a time not too long ago when my life was shattered in a million pieces, with little hope of ever being put back together again.
We can show respect and Christ-like love without accepting mistreatment. Christ’s love considers the best interests of others, even when it is difficult or involves sacrifice, but it doesn’t sacrifice personal integrity in the process.
More useful than a list of obvious red flags is knowledge of one warning sign visible before any attachment bond is formed: Excessive Charm.
Living with an abusive spouse is extremely stressful and contributes to premature aging and a whole host of serious health issues – psychologically and physically.
Yet how often did I feel like that myself -- small, unremarkable, insignificant, not contributing anything outstanding to the world, a waste of time, of talent, of anything that matters?
Sometimes people think that following Jesus means they will be spared difficult times. When they are not spared, they are surprised and question God, “How could You let this happen to me? I thought you were a loving God!”
The abuser may use his trump card - forgiveness - if he senses the relationship is threatened in order to maintain control and power. You may be feeling a conflict in your soul about forgiveness. Does it mean you have to forget and pretend abuse hasn't happened?
As a former hot-line worker, I thrived on helping people in crisis. But this felt like a developing crisis call I suddenly wanted to hang up from.